i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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