sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
