:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
that is very illegal...i love you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
