Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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