Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
