So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
