i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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