I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We don't watch enough power rangers
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize