Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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