i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
