my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
