Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
