Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
