When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
