i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
