Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
