Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Enjoy the penises
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
