her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
