on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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