Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize