He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
