mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
