Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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