Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
