god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
