you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
