My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
