There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
