So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
