Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
