i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The feeling are messing with the penis
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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