let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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