don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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