really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
