You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize