I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize