So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
