So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
