i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Someone signed my nipple.
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