so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
