I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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