Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
