Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
