Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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