i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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