My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
