careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
