Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
