how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
