I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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