i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
