i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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