fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
