My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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