Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
