an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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