Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize