dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
