She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
