My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
