i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to calm my uterus...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
