I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
