how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
