I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
