The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize