he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
