too bad you live with your parents still
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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