Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize