we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
