Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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