Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
then he tried to convert me to islam
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
