Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
