I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
