Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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