I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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