Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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