I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
