So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
