bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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