If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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