i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
