The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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