the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
