piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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