So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
