I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
