put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
