so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
