Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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