No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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