Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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