Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize