Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize