I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
